| | *Disclaimer: This post is totally a I-don't-know-what-I'm-going-to-type-because-so-much-is-on-my-mind one*
I feel like I have no future.
Or at least, I like telling my friends that. I honestly wanted the teaching English in Asia thing to work out...it would have been perfect! Multicultural experience, working to pay off student loans, living cheaply. Everything I would have wanted after my undergrad.
Student loans, knowing now that my deferment period ends this summer, are scary. My 14k price tag looms way over my head, and I want to be like, Mr. Loans, you DO know that you plague my general well-being and with me being a worrywort anyways, I can't get anything done???
The common saying is that difficult times help define who we are. If so, I am drowning in uncertainty, unhappiness, and general WORRY. What do I have a degree in? WORRYING MY ASS OFF TO THE POINT OF PARALYZING MYSELF FROM DOING ANYTHING.
Ugh.
Josh recommended me making lists. So, lists I shall. Hopefully, I can come back from this and edit as necessary. Please leave your comments on my thoughts on my lists:
My Strengths My Weaknesses
Persuasive Stress out too easily
Analytical Easily distracted/don't finish things I start
Ambitious Occasionally too blunt
Articulate Irresponsible
Intelligent Undisciplined/whimsical
Diligent
Vocational- word soup
Slacks, people, glasses that make me look intelligent, listening to fears and dreams, fighting for others, being there for them ontologically, seeing people crash and expect me to help and then have them TRUST me, knowing people benefit personally from what I do
Cities that I would like to visit Languages I would like to learn
Tokyo Mandarin
Los Angeles/San Francisco French
New York Russian
Buenos Aires
Rio de Janeiro Muses for me
Amsterdam Social stigmas for various disabilities
London 5-7 year old energetic boys
Dubai Dance and song, folklore
Cairo Anything nostalgic
Havana Seeing someone's creative eye satisfied
Toronto Ponies (baby horses)
Milan Ice skating, gymnastics, cheerleading
Moscow
Copenhagen
Current fashion ideas I want to explore:
Work resembling that of Herbert Tobias, editorial
United Colors of Benetton (different ethnicities), high commercial
Work exploring 1800s communal holdings for the mentally ill, avante garde/editorial
Funhouse/haunted house, not sure
Ripping up a sleeping bag and doing a homeless shoot, beauty or fitness
1940s schoolboy, editorial
Clear large cubicle, filled with anything from ice cubes to apple cider to colored water, and shots taken from me within cubicle-artistic nude (think alien Seaworld meets watercolor), artistic
Guardian of the forest at the Glass Chapel in Bella Vista, editorial/artistic
Fast-food worker ordered HOT, editorial
Businessman reading burning/flaming paper, high commercial/editorial
Model as 'bait' for bear in camp setting, FUN
Delinquent shredding tires or smashing car, editorial/expressive
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| | Posted 2/18/2009 9:45 PM - 24 Views - 2 eProps - 1 Comment
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